I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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