When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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