I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
