you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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