i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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