Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
