just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
