I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
