Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
