I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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