I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
