I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
