Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
