just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
