My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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