she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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