Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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