Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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