well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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