ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
