she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
