do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
