Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
