Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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