either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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