dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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