I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
