Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
