Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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