I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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