you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
