sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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