Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
