I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
