Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize