am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
