True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
