My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
did you just send me my own nude
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
