i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Enjoy the penises
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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