I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
