i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
