My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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