There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
