The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
