who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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