Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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