does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
