I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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