**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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