My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize