I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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