u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
