I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
