I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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