I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
