i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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