he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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