I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, beer. Big fan.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
