And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
