please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
