The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
