Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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