Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
