Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
