How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
