I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize