Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
