they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
