Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
