My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
