I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
