He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
