The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
