Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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