She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
