Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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