we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize