She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
