I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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