you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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