wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think your dad took our porno
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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