I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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