I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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