Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
