When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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