Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
