I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
