they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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