Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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