Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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