It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
