Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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