so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
