Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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