I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
