It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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