just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
