the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All the doctor said was why
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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