So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
