If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
