Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize