guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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