Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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