do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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