So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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